Lost Bunch 001

Lost Bunch 001
Originally uploaded by Dexo.

so i can talk the talk and keep some floating up of appearances
but i am
worn
and can't face the same questions over and over again
because that energy is currently in use to get through the day.
I am being a fly on the wall at some good, important, valuable theatre...i am facing my block at being able to create some.
i think i am back at " i dont knwo what to say"...
am i perhaps once again drowning in my own lack of clarity on why exactly I am here.
in both senses: Here and here.

I think what i need to do is grab at all this by the reins and stop what sounds like a perpetual whine and step-asside
and while i am trying to healthily cling to the good...

exhaustion strips my defenses away to the same boring tail chasing grasping...
this is made doubly hard by the fact that a very lovely weekend has unspun my cosy cocoon...my grief at bay un leashed needs some time to fade
and like i said
im too tired to grab the reins of my life or my longing right now
and so
i blog
sporadically
burping up
momentary
communications
from
'here' where ever 'here' is
like i said.
im lost.
and ihave a cold.

tea, rum, sleep and all will be well in the morning