confusion
Behind me a teacher is speaking with a students parent. Today one of my english classes began with a lesson in a cassual usage of a french inversion of Juif. I got the gist of most of it. I had no problem with this lesson replacing my first 10 minutes of teaching time --it is worth more than the lessons i give. Give me an A. Give me an R for Rqcism and a P for priority Schools. Last week there was graffiti on my primary school wall that educated me in the equivalent of Fuck in French follozed by other slanderous verbal gesticulations regarding those of arab origins. 3days. Day 3, when i returned to the school to find the graffiti sitll hanging out with no comment other than the free hand scrawled defence declaring the long life of islamic countries, i asked the principle if i could borrow a felt marker to colour it out at least. He had called the city to clean it up. I dont think i would have left it there naked raw and biting. The thing with hatred on q primary school wall or anywhere is that it gets under your skin. I wish that the pink skin of the outer wall of my school wouldnt buble forth tuch toxin. They reflect the neighbourhood challenge whihch is apparently much less of a problem than the Bonlieux sourrounding paris. I am reminded every day that I am a breath in the world. may it count for something.
I have managed to surround myself with some friends. Well, i dont know when people get to be friends, but i think when people are tossed into a new place there is a bond created by the necessity that there is no one else. And so long as they dont disturb you wholy, and if youre lucky they surprise you pleasantly, then you hang on. The other language assistants fit mostly into the latter category; and actually most people i have met fit into the latter category so far. Except for one huge blaring smudge of an encounter that still leaves me a little nervous in the pit of my stomach. I'm still digesting that experience; but i prefer to maschinate on the recent good encounters that lead to among other things a walk in the Closer-to-the-mountains Than I am Now walk-- mont Blanc was hidden by beautiful Cumulus clouds (i dont actually remember the types of clouds; but what Cumulus cloud sounds like is the kind of cloud that was hnging out and reflecting sunlight. The mountains around are still striking. I also had the opportunity to collect Noix/chest nuts and noisettes:hazelnuts. I love collecting things i can eat later, unbelievable satisfaction. Oh there was a chemin de Sanglier here too (c.r.)There is hazelnut spread in the cupboard right now that belonds to H. It may have to stay there when i leave. oh yes. I didnt quite last a month. I dont knoz if i feel settled; it comes in waves. Waves that are trained by other thoughts that ride the crest of my memory and suddenly find my blank gaze staring out a balcony window at green out door furniture-- or mountains-that-are-really-plateaus. with a calm garden hushed beloz a terrace. I want to stop and be alone. After all this. I want to never be alone and carry my loves with me. I want to never be alone. I want this spinning feeling to settle into something. I need a Chez Moi in every sense. Until then, well be learning fruits and reviewing questions. A plus, R
I have managed to surround myself with some friends. Well, i dont know when people get to be friends, but i think when people are tossed into a new place there is a bond created by the necessity that there is no one else. And so long as they dont disturb you wholy, and if youre lucky they surprise you pleasantly, then you hang on. The other language assistants fit mostly into the latter category; and actually most people i have met fit into the latter category so far. Except for one huge blaring smudge of an encounter that still leaves me a little nervous in the pit of my stomach. I'm still digesting that experience; but i prefer to maschinate on the recent good encounters that lead to among other things a walk in the Closer-to-the-mountains Than I am Now walk-- mont Blanc was hidden by beautiful Cumulus clouds (i dont actually remember the types of clouds; but what Cumulus cloud sounds like is the kind of cloud that was hnging out and reflecting sunlight. The mountains around are still striking. I also had the opportunity to collect Noix/chest nuts and noisettes:hazelnuts. I love collecting things i can eat later, unbelievable satisfaction. Oh there was a chemin de Sanglier here too (c.r.)There is hazelnut spread in the cupboard right now that belonds to H. It may have to stay there when i leave. oh yes. I didnt quite last a month. I dont knoz if i feel settled; it comes in waves. Waves that are trained by other thoughts that ride the crest of my memory and suddenly find my blank gaze staring out a balcony window at green out door furniture-- or mountains-that-are-really-plateaus. with a calm garden hushed beloz a terrace. I want to stop and be alone. After all this. I want to never be alone and carry my loves with me. I want to never be alone. I want this spinning feeling to settle into something. I need a Chez Moi in every sense. Until then, well be learning fruits and reviewing questions. A plus, R
posted by blueolive at 12:03 p.m.
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