lemon

but it's a good one-
Originally uploaded by crater.

what i really want right now is lemon-sun therapy. From Portugal. Now.

what i got was a thought cycle that went something like this:
it is 8 something pm. ponty ponty ponty
psychology(ponty was refering to a case study of someone who could only live in the present due to ww1 brain injury)

then
I counted out...
7 years
assuming i get in to an educatonal facility and escape in 6 (masters included).
that would make me 32.
and do i even want to
and am i chasing me or...dont even.
and if i
do decide to have children.
a child
adopt?
whoah.
fucking ticking shit business.
(all because I just read a pamphlet on "lesbian and bi" breast health and it says that high risk for breast cancer includes not having children before 35.fucked.its like eveyone like deadlines even the cellular structures are on to it, just not me.)
not to mention risk factors of degenerative dna strands after 35. but what ever.
and who says i even wanted kids


but what really got me was this:

so if i maybe figure myself out in the next 5 years in that organic way of 'we all change-nothing is permanent:
30... 32 is 3 years from 35 and only 5 years from 40.


god.
what the fuck is going on.

dear permanent,
nothing is.
that's the rub.
you move or
'it' moves for you.
move first.

did i mention i have some trouble concentrating and not all of it is
'LD' related.
or maybe everything is ld related.

Be ware of ANXT.
( i dont have a phone card here.this is my outlet. -disclaimer)