get_hot_keep_moving

Originally uploaded by blueolive.

There is so much between this post and the last

I still have a sense of vertigo,
i wasnt the one on a plane,

breath in
out

i have mountain biked, tucked in 11 year olds, cut my hair, mountain climbed a little-- enough to remember what real vertigo and trust feels like, especially with an 11 year old Balaying (ahhh).
I rode my bike back from Bonneville (with no helmet, bad bad bad) on sunday because i missed the train, and felt like moving...20Km! It was awesome, but my bum still hurts.

I think maybe vertigo is linked to trust in the other person or some undefined next moment-- or rather not trusting the next moment. you either give into it, and experience the rush, the inevitability of the moment-regardless of whether you really drop or not; or you resist it and experience the blinding panick of uncomprehended uncontrolled movement.

Kundera would have something else to say, likely that we want to fall. because the void, touching it, even just at the edges of your mouth might be the only thing that reminds you what the other is...the other what? i havent gottten that far in my attempt at specifiying vertigo.

if you move fast enough, though, you might over come centrifugal force--which apparently doesnt exist, as i learned on a spinny playground toy with L and C--and leave that thing in the corner of your eye, in the corner. Maybe that is why people are driven to cross the world in boats, in little planes, climb mountains... sit on the furthest edge of land jutting out into a windy ocean exhalation. Or maybe thats blinders were invented.

maybe thats why the instinct is to breath in when you catch yourself about to fall...


like you can suck back all that was about to be exhaled by



~r