heart

heart
Originally uploaded by blueolive.

i had another blog to this image ,but in a moment of (better? ) judgement i chose to remove it...
the theme, however, continues...

update...the family has heart troubles
this could be a highly symbolic way to discribe difficulties in interpersonal relationships..

however it
discribes the wholistic nature of 'heart disease'--on 'parent/subject/host/health care client/body' and on the fam.

so while A is reeling from different medical suggestions on yes surgery no surgery yes drugtherapy no drugtherapy

apparently the certainty is (untreated) e v e n t u a l l y a massive heartattack
which at best will leave an old man in his wake, and at worst



in cycles my parents choose to make wills. they try to be discrete about it,but in a family like this, it means the Cndn Lgal Will Kit is left on the stairs un finished for months in a box
or there is the unmistakable sight of the yellowed hand written paper magneted to the fridge for months, face down, maybe even a year, that time they decided to go traveling...no that time he was working in NEw Cal.

some how it's in moving far away that the will gets pulled out,
the justincase
the planes
the distance
thier...health...i dont think then they thought their health would put them at risk for a will

now
however faxed in M's name but sitting neatly in his manner on the Office (His Office) desk, is a 'So and So Barrister and SOliciter' titled paper, with subject line: Last WIll and Testement Instructions.

They are not leaving,
I have come back
and so I can only guess that

They're writing a bible together?
by the exmulimathiestagnostic and the selfprofessedImcatholicyouknow
or a career shif, they are
writing the end of a sit. com.?

Of course they arent overly obvous, like the hand written yellowed paper that homed itself in the centre of the freezer door for months, a stain agains the white new fridge, strangely decorated with my little poney and mol'sn cndn taxi magnets...this paper is glossy faxy and last page first...

someone doesnt want to see the subject line, someone wants to go rifelling thorugh the short stack
so as not to casually
be reminded
of the subject
how ever opaquely obsqured, almost infact glarinly
symbolized by the last page of check [ ]boxes askin about the power of attorney...

a most articulate: yuck: to all of this
and and laden on top of this non fatalistic mental proceses, because i cant go furthen than the living, its only realisitc, its only fair to all of us,
is the chain link jump the fabric stretch the cosmic light that takes eons..
i imagine my d being the the product of eons of light of genetic and ancestral beeming
and I not knowing if i will ever understand the place,
where he sent himself from,

migrations, exile, return
and how are you a migratory body
before your birth
its those stars they were sent from
that call
to you
that light ---that has caught your infantsightlesseyes your clearadulthazyeyes--
that took eons to reach this place,
already imploded
already dark at the starting point
except for in the haze of ancestral spirits
memories
phone lines
thought traces
that mark
this everyday passage
onwards