More double rainbow

More double rainbow
Originally uploaded by RLarocque.

I am in the north,
where the birch trees push out of the black, pink beige rock
where inukshooks line the highways
where I saw a strong rainbow that looked substantial. solid even as we entered in the pink after glow of a short storm
here were the sky is like it is over the ocean, flat bottomed billowy clouds,
fresh air
blue blue sky
green green trees...brush if you will
i hope i smell of
stars reflecting in dark river water
unmasked here where city after glow is limited to a corner of permanent sunset-rise off to the right.
I hope my skin will smell of the grass, dry adn prickly, wet and damp
of the sand
river water
and canoes
cousins and old childhood voices
real
in the centre
of
water
here where we came
to
heal
just for a few days...

I think the navel of the world ties me to this place
where my umbilical cord with all its potential creation was left...

oops

oops
Originally uploaded by blueolive.

the last two places Ive moved out of, I have, unfortunately, known the people moving in/owning my appartment, and they have both said the same thing:
"It was funny, I got there and it looked like you were still living there."

my habitation references in both official languages now.

oh how embarassing.

I thought that might be the case, hence my embarassment about calling the B-Sr. family to tell them I arrived safely. Lastnight I got a letter with some photos I left. oh god in what/ where...i dont know how much I forgot. I tried, I really really tried to clean it out.
I just fell asleep for 3 hours instead of 30 minutes and that was the end of any substantive and wholistic cleaning project.
another good reason I was paying rent.
oh oh oh how embarassing. The past cannot be escaped. lesson re-visited.

i wasnt really waiting...

letter image
Originally uploaded by blueolive.

really nice email:
good to know i didnt just make an imaginary friend.

It has taken these two weeks to sink in that i am here...
normalcy will strain the romantic vision of past and future,
but i will press on...to sepia colourned
fluo-infused
future

and i paid my first rent,
so i have a room. in a fabulous place
with some fabulous characters...

potential future
looking good


cant wait to see you here...
bonne route

heart

heart
Originally uploaded by blueolive.

i had another blog to this image ,but in a moment of (better? ) judgement i chose to remove it...
the theme, however, continues...

update...the family has heart troubles
this could be a highly symbolic way to discribe difficulties in interpersonal relationships..

however it
discribes the wholistic nature of 'heart disease'--on 'parent/subject/host/health care client/body' and on the fam.

so while A is reeling from different medical suggestions on yes surgery no surgery yes drugtherapy no drugtherapy

apparently the certainty is (untreated) e v e n t u a l l y a massive heartattack
which at best will leave an old man in his wake, and at worst



in cycles my parents choose to make wills. they try to be discrete about it,but in a family like this, it means the Cndn Lgal Will Kit is left on the stairs un finished for months in a box
or there is the unmistakable sight of the yellowed hand written paper magneted to the fridge for months, face down, maybe even a year, that time they decided to go traveling...no that time he was working in NEw Cal.

some how it's in moving far away that the will gets pulled out,
the justincase
the planes
the distance
thier...health...i dont think then they thought their health would put them at risk for a will

now
however faxed in M's name but sitting neatly in his manner on the Office (His Office) desk, is a 'So and So Barrister and SOliciter' titled paper, with subject line: Last WIll and Testement Instructions.

They are not leaving,
I have come back
and so I can only guess that

They're writing a bible together?
by the exmulimathiestagnostic and the selfprofessedImcatholicyouknow
or a career shif, they are
writing the end of a sit. com.?

Of course they arent overly obvous, like the hand written yellowed paper that homed itself in the centre of the freezer door for months, a stain agains the white new fridge, strangely decorated with my little poney and mol'sn cndn taxi magnets...this paper is glossy faxy and last page first...

someone doesnt want to see the subject line, someone wants to go rifelling thorugh the short stack
so as not to casually
be reminded
of the subject
how ever opaquely obsqured, almost infact glarinly
symbolized by the last page of check [ ]boxes askin about the power of attorney...

a most articulate: yuck: to all of this
and and laden on top of this non fatalistic mental proceses, because i cant go furthen than the living, its only realisitc, its only fair to all of us,
is the chain link jump the fabric stretch the cosmic light that takes eons..
i imagine my d being the the product of eons of light of genetic and ancestral beeming
and I not knowing if i will ever understand the place,
where he sent himself from,

migrations, exile, return
and how are you a migratory body
before your birth
its those stars they were sent from
that call
to you
that light ---that has caught your infantsightlesseyes your clearadulthazyeyes--
that took eons to reach this place,
already imploded
already dark at the starting point
except for in the haze of ancestral spirits
memories
phone lines
thought traces
that mark
this everyday passage
onwards

still life

still life
Originally uploaded by blueolive.

...and maybe i'm to short (im not proposing enough), but would $ for a summer waxing of your...legs...(if she says under my arms Im going to leap up the bannister and...)...eyebrows (she's trying not to say underarms)...and....., and....legs....
(ou she's really trying)....
you still do your underarms by waxing and not shaving? (not in the past 9 months...)
So will $$ as a birthday present towards waxing be enough, doyou think? for all that.

calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm
imaginhowcalm

otherwise known as the little RED button

so calm
i could
vomit.

isn't it trivial that this is all it takes.

day
2.
this is a symptom that i have been alone too long.
or not enough.
when one person doesnt work, it means ihave to seek solace in leaving, when all i want to do is sit, read and sleepfor two days.
no such
luck. and that is life.
and i am grumpy.
i hope it has more to do with lack of sleep, wierd sleep cycle
than retrenching old behavioural tracks.


SEND ME BACK.

eagle nest

Landed

feels like ive been gone for 5 years and i'm returning to the nest

sort of am

fallig asleep.

i have arrived safe and sound on the

island/NA continent...

goood things: it is summer here, it was breathing October
when i left Annemasse...oh....

closer

culture/shock adjustment aid: phone call.

falling asleep.

à bientôt

Let's JOIN handz
Originally uploaded by jacobz.

9.55 am take off from Geneva
Mississauga 14.30

and the adventure continues....
it may be a crash landing...

see you
soon

ish

school2

school2
Originally uploaded by blueolive.

beaucoup trop a raconter

too much to tell

so ill stick to a few key moments
Yesterday was my first official day off
but ofcourse i went into school in the afternoon to say my hasty goodbyes.
CHildren clamoured for bises (sometimes, suspiciously enough, comming back for a second set)...and shoving little sheets of paper with their addresses on them...sometimes with no names

One class I hadn't had the time to go into to say goodbye, instigated by one child offering me a name tag drawing that had rested above his cloak hook in the hall-- they were laden with their end of school paper residue--spontaneiously the entire line began rifling through pictures to hand me as they passed. Thrown into the mix a couple of bises, two twix bars (one already open with one stick left in it, the most endearing gift lol), and a mars bar... it was like i hit a pinata...

My Classe preferé gave me a note book with little messages in it

I have said goodbye so many times
And
oddly enoughI am also still meeting new people in a I think youre awesome i want to know you kind of way.

Apparently I have not learned my collecting people is hard follow through...
on vera combien de ces relations tobaient à l'eau...
in the mean time
it is quite the orchestral-underscore of a depart...off to a good roling start...

too many people to see
say goodbye to
wrap u
and
and
and


I am daydreaming your days
if i have a 2 year plan for Tdot
then maybe ill have a 'in three NY' plan...
day dreaming
dilleriously

stil havent packed
oh
oh *oh
dear